This time around all, I’m writing about me. I know I know, your thinking “It’s YOUR blog, aren’t they all about you?!” Well, yes and no. Usually I write about issues that I think about, that effect the larger community. Broad themes and things. But today I’m writing about me or should I say something that bothers me about myself or perhaps others. That is where you all come in. The following issue is something that I have thought about a length, it’s ruined great relationships and put strains on potential relationships. At first I felt completely justified and later I felt as though it was an irrational thought and ever since I have been teetering back and forth between those two opinions. Well, I know by now we are all asking the question, what is this issue? Well, let me tell you.
It’s not something I can explain with one phrase. I’m going to have to “break it down” so-to-speak.
I hate when people I know and like are friends with people I don’t like. Hum.. I guess I could put it in one phrase… :-/
Now, that seems simple enough either get over it or just don’t be friends with those people either. Ha! How naive we are. First we must look at the rationality of this point. I know that it is well within my rights as a person on the planet to like or not like anyone that I choose, as an extension of that I can choose to disassociate with the people who like the people that I don’t like. But how practical is this? Having recently left the undergraduate environment I understand the almost inability to not have anything to do with any particular person. What I mean by that is, the community is so small that it is inevitable to know somebody that knows any other person. I would even go as far as to say that this is triplely so in the minority community at ANY institution in America. The Black and Brown community is hyper sensitive to its members. You might not know everyone by name but you surely know who’s who. For example, when the freshmen come in you can look at a face and say to yourself “Hey, look, a new Black person…” So with all that said. I get it, you can’t just cut yourself off from “undesirables,” fine. But the issue I’m having is that I can’t help but be disgusted or turn up my nose at people who deal with them as well. Now, I know that I’m not the end-all be-all of social ranking. However, I DO think of myself as a good judge of character. So I feel as though if I don’t think this person is worth associating with why would anyone worth anything think otherwise. Does that sounds bad? Cocky? Arrogant? Victorian? These are things I would like feed back on. But moving on…
To make it a little more personal. I’ll do just that… There is this young lady, lets just call her Wood Chuck or W.C. (Dub. C) for short and there is this nigger (I use the term because as all black people know There are Black Folks and then there are Niggers. This guy is a Nigger. White people, if you don’t know the difference ask your Black friends… But don’t ask your Nigger friends cause they will get offended) the Nigger we’ll just call, Ike. So, a little exposition on the story, Ike is this nosey nigger who at one time I was cool with. I knew him independently of anyone else I knew, which is to say we didn’t meet though anyone. As a matter of fact I once found his student ID card on a campus shuttle and instead of being niggerish and using up all his money at the vending machine I chose (in a attempt to promote non-niggerish behavior) to turn it in and facebook him that I found his ID and he could go pick it up. Now, here we are several months later. Remember, I know him independently of anyone else I know… and we don’t even know each other that well but I mean I went out my way to find this dude and give him his card. That’s beside the point though, so a few months maybe a year go by and it’s always cool when I see him. At the time my then girlfriend and I were separated. During that time I went on a date or two with one of Ikes friends, although I had no clue that she was his friend. Long story short Ike goes out of his way to mislead his friend into thinking that I was cheating on my girlfriend at the time to date her when in actuality we were not together and (this is a side note) he was actually dating my girlfriend at the time BEFORE we had separated and from what I believe they had been seeing each other for a while. Now, to make a long story short I will spare the details of the entire situation but I said all that just to show that this dude is a Nigger! Lol.
So, now, W.C., she and I have known each other for SOOOOOOOME time. We met very randomly and just continued to stay in Semi-Touch over that last year extremely recently we have been talking and chilling form time to time. She’s cool as a fucking fan. No complaints as far as her character or anything like that. But then! And here’s the kicker… I’m scrolling through her facebook and BAM! Guess who’s on her buddy list… That shiftless ass, motherfucking nigger, Ike… Now, I will be the first to proclaim that facebook is by NO means the final word on one’s social network of friends. However, that did get me to thinking… So I hit the “Pictures” button and low and behold W.C. and Ike… Hugged up like freaking best buddies. His sweaty ass face pressed against hers at some tight, hot ass party, sharing drinks, talking and given the context of the situation doing whatever else… It just makes W.C. so much less appealing in so many ways (lets get out the gutter by the way. I’m not talking about sexually, just in terms of wanting to get to know her or letting her know me). I want to straight say “If you’re friends with them I’m not friends with you” but come on America how 5th grade is that shit! But at the same time I can’t help but think about how much I HATE this Ike character. Even more so now because he’s affecting relationships I have with people that don’t even have anything to do with him. Rock and a fucking HARD PLACE people!
With all of that though, isn’t it Human nature to be territorial of ones circle of friends and people you value for one reason or another. I mean if you have any kind of caring feeling for someone and you think that something is bad for them isn’t it only natural for you to not want them dealing with it. If I know something is dirty and I just saw you put on a white T, assuming I care, I’m not gonna let you walk into the dirtiest room in the house! That’s what Ike is… Straight dirt.
So, back to the original question, given that W.C.’s is a wonderful person with not strikes against her name from my p.o.v. accept that she is friends with Ike. Am I justified in thinking less of W.C. because of that association? Please Post, Please Comment, or shit just send a brotha an email! I wanna know what to do America!!!
Lastly, a few proverbs that come to mind…
“You’re judged by the company you keep.” and “Birds of a feather flock together.”
~H. Herald~
I hate to say it, but I'm picky about my friends too, so you're justified in having less respect for W.C. In past relationships I've had (you know one in particular), it would amaze me the sort of trash that people I cared about would surround themselves with... like, low-down dirty trash with zero redeeming qualities.
ReplyDeleteAlso, having nasty ass friends is a bad sign.. it means this person does not value friendship enough to keep it with people who have self-respect, and don't respect themselves enough to surround themselves with confident and respectful people.
Well, if u truly think highly of this person, you should also trust ur own judgment of their character. And further more don’t use face book as a guide by any means as to who people are friend with. So many people have pictures with people they barely even know on face book. The reasonable thing would be to just keep your distance from the Ike if you were to ever end up in the same place at the same time. Further more ask yourself how is she supposed to know who u like and who u don’t like? If she did know ALL of your friends I’d think that might boarder on obsessive. I figure as long as WC isn’t trying to make you become best friends or even friendly with Ike, and his behavior isn’t rubbing off on her and changing WC from who she originally was then trust her judgment in people she likes. Lastly keep in mind whatever it is you see in WC that makes her attractive to you, she may see something like that in Ike.
ReplyDeleteOkay so I read ur post and I have to admit that I feel the same way, so this comment isn't going to challenge ur rationale LOL
ReplyDeleteI definitely do feel that the company one keeps is an indicator of who that person is, at least partially. I mean I have friends who do stuff that I would never do but there is a part of me that identifies with them and their behavior even if it isn't something that I act upon.
It is unreasonable to believe that someone you know would stop being friends with someone else beCUS of your opinion on them but I think it is a whole different ball game when you are talking about romantic relationships vs friendships.
In friendships, depending on how expendable they are, not liking someone that the other likes can cause you to distance urself from that person. It also matters how close they are with the other party. If they are just passing acquaintances you are less likely to have a negative view of that person than if they are best friends.
Now when dealing in a romantic relationship I think it is perfectly acceptable to state your case against the person you think, for lack of a better word, SUCKS LOL Now the person you are with can then eXplain their rationale behind being friends with said sucky person. After the convo you may see the person in a different light or they may see the person in a different light..who knows? One thing for sure is that someone is going to have to budge, especially if said sucky person is a large part of the partner's life. If they continue to have a close relationship with them that person's presence is going to turn into an issue of resentment and that’s never a good look in a relationship ;-)
Obviously, you all are quite young. I'm a old bitch and I'll tell you like this... ALL people suck. Get over it. You can't judge a book by it's cover, you can't tell a person by their friends and you damn sure can't judge a person by the people they are "friends" with on facebook or Myspace. That sh*t ain't real. I don't know most of the people on my Myspace page, but I add them for whatever reason. They look good. They don't look good. They look skanky.I just felt like it that day.
ReplyDeleteAnd as a chick I'll tell you the MINUTE a guy starts looking at me sideways because of the people I know, I start looking at him sideways like "What insecurities have YOU got????" I can't stand for people to tell me (or think) that I should or shouldn't associate or be friends with people.
In the larger world, people can be useful for all sorts of reasons. Even the skanky ones. Now, if someone has done something to me personally, like that Ike dude, I'll definitely stay away from them. But it someone else says "Oh, I like Ike!" I'd say well, good for you. But beware, cuz he's skanky because of A, B and C but as long as he's not bothering you, that's cool. Just be aware that when he does his thing I'll be the first person to say "TOLDYA!" And keep him the f*ck away from me, and we'll be allright...
Besides, you can't beat skanky people for sheer amusement.
i feel you on this post. i too am a firm believer that the company you keep reflects a part of who you are. but i would have to agree with ub feminist that if someone i know is cool with someone i don't like, i wouldn't try to base their character on that solely. it's a toss up really when it comes to friends...
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the comments, this (with the exception of my "kill whitey series")is apparently pretty interesting. It's seems people like it more when I'm slightly (or overly) offensive or just got juicey shit to say... lol.
ReplyDeleteIn response to this interesting blog, I think it is important to take a closer look at this situation and the people involved. Now as educated people we can never be quick to assume that things are exactly as they appear. I myself, being a firm supporter of the woodchuck: They are accomplished swimmers, climbers, and burrowers. They prefer to retreat to their burrows when threatened, However if the burrow is invaded, watch the fuck out! The groundhog tenaciously defends itself with its two large incisors and front claws. (Thank you Wikipedia.) That being said, My allegiance lies with our groundhog friend. If W.C. has thus far been as you say “ cool as a fucking fan. No complaints as far as her character or anything like that.” Is it safe to say that she is also capable of forming her own opinions of people and could very well be good at judging character as well? She is, after all, associating/talking/ whatever term you deem fit… to the Mr. Harlem herald himself! In fact, she might even share the same opinion of Ike as you!! It is a possibility that she is on an acquaintance level with him, because as we all know Facebook has created a host of acquaintances for us all! If our burrowing friend could speak for herself, she might just say…”Well, Ike is friends with some of my close friends, so I have no choice but to run into him from time to time, so even though I don’t care for the guy, I figure it is much easier to keep the peace and play nice.” Or she may say…”He squeezed his way into a picture with me cuz he’s a little bitch like that and always wants to look like one of those dudes that is always in pics with girls and it wasn’t a hot as party, we stopped by to pick up someone else so “given the context of the situation” the only “whatever else” I was doing was moving on to bigger and better places involving more of my Facebook acquaintances.” But...like I said, that’s just a possibility... (I mean, I can’t speak for W.C. Lol.) Let us also keep in mind the “big picture.” The big pic being that in 5 years I can GUARANTEE that W.C. will not be a close amiga of Ike’s. In fact if she ran into him in the street she probably would forget his name and then have to go home on Facebook and look it up cuz he's just not that important. So lets not get too caught up in this hierarchy of friendships cuz when were all married with kids and off saving the world or making millions it just won’t f*cking matter who’s sweaty face was pressed up against who’s at a UB party. Looking back now, does it matter whether or not little Bobby shared his fruit by the foot with you? I mean cmon America! How 5th grade is that shit?! Lol. In conclusion, I’m sure W.C. respects your opinion and would respectfully make a conscious effort to steer clear of this Ike character especially now that she knows your strong opinion of him. In answer to your specific question of whether or not you are justified in thinking less of W.C. because of this association. NO! You are only justified in explaining your opinions of Ike and your reasoning behind it. W.C. deserves the right to decide the rest for herself. Humans are complex creatures, friends can be enemies, enemies can be friends, etc, etc. Ones friends do not define the individual’s identity or character, and ones acquaintances certainly don’t! If W.C. loves cheesecake and you hate it, would you think less of her? Of course not! What tastes good to her might not taste good to you. In fact, I would argue you would be justified in thinking less of W.C. if she started hating Ike simply because you do. Because if W.C. blindly adheres to your likes and dislikes without forming independent opinion, where’s the variety in that?! I will end by adding that just because a Woodchuck shares the forest with a rodent doesn't mean she invites him into the burrow hole.
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